In honor of April Fool's...I give thee...sex

For those of you who haven't guessed by the wee little sign on the left, we are about to delve into some very naughty tid bits. If you are in any way offended by graphic sex or naughty language, I ask that you depart post haste. For I am not one to entertain prudes. Oh, and for future purposes, whenever you see this lovely gal holding up her little sign, do be well forewarned. Now. It seems both readers and writers alike give much discussion about sex and how they miss days gone by where romance involved mere kisses and the fluttering of hearts but absolutely no sex. Was there ever such a time? Truly? Which era could they possibly be referring to? Certainly not the 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's or now. For sex revolution spanned those eras with the force of a tornado. So do they mean earlier? And how much earlier? Knight in shining armor earlier? Or flapper earlier? Now I certainly understand the need for romance. I believe it in with all my heart. But true romance cannot be romance without sex in one form or another. For those of you who have never peeked into the dictionary, I am about to entertain you with something rather shocking. Romance as defined in the dictionary is as such, "A novel or other prose narrative depicting heroic or marvelous deeds, pageantry, romantic exploits (Do remember, dear readers that exploits can be a good many thing left to the imagination), etc usually in a historical or imaginary setting." A moment of silence, please. Prepare yourself for the next definition. For if you go on through the entire list in the dictionary it actually gets fairly insulting to a romance author. And I quote from Webster's: "A baseless, made up story usually full of exaggeration or fanciful invention." Hey now, I beg to defer!!! Who wrote this smut of a definition anyway? Romance is hardly baseless nor exaggerated if done right. Which brings me to the point at hand. Sex in historical romances. Is it necessary? Some love it. Some hate it. I myself enjoy writing rather steamy love scenes. For they make the world of my hero and heroine real to me. They become made of flesh and blood and act as if they are made of flesh and blood. I doubt, however, anyone in days gone by can top the naughtiness of this creative writer.

 And I quote:

"DOLMANCE - How I love to frig this huge prick on a virgin's clitoris! You, Chevalier, show me a good ass...Do I frig you well, libertine?...And you, Madame, do fuck me, fuck your slut...yes, I am she and wish to be...Eugenie, discharge my angel, yes, discharge!... Despite himself, Augustin fills me with his fuck...I receive the Chevalier's, mine goes to join him...I resist no more...Eugenie, wiggle your buttocks and grip my prick: I am going to jet a blazing fuck-stream deep into your entrails...Ah! fucking bugger of a God! I die! (He withdraws and the circle breaks) Behold, Madame, here's your little libertine full of fuck again; the entrance to her cunt is soaked with it; frig her, vigorously smite her clitoris all wet with sperm: 'tis one of the most delicious things that may be done."
Ehm. Now who would dare write such shocking things? Well, a hint. It was written in 1788. And you thought writers of erotica today were naughty. If people put it into context, well, today's erotica can be pretty clean in comparison. I agree that people have different tastes in sensuality but the reality is there is no such thing as "back in the day." It is an illusion. Because if your parents weren't having sex, you wouldn't be here to read this, you silly thing you. Sex was simply done more behind closed doors. And allow me to step outside my bounds and say that the pages of a book is a door you open. It is the author's discretion, however, as to how wide that door should be opened. Bottom line, the whole concept that people in history were prudes and dared not print or engage in such naughty behavior is something Puritans here in the States have tried to established. No offense to the Puritans of course. So. Can anyone guess who wrote the above? And no, you cannot Google this! I shall post the answer to the question after I receive about 10 tries. Which means if less than 10 people post, we shall never truly know the answer to this dirty little question....(unless of course you Google it...) Happy April Fool's.