My Secret Life

No. This isn't going to be a post about MY secret life. Heaven forbid I share that with you.... This post will be dedicated to the book known as "My Secret Life." For those of you that have not discovered this naughty bit of Victorian history, I encourage you to get your hot little hands on this book immediately. After you read this post, that is. It is crude, rude, but gives a form of historical insight into a secret Victorian mindset that is rarely glimpsed. My Secret Life is also one of largest erotic piece of literature ever written in the form of an autobiography. What is even more fascinating is that its author is for the most part unknown. There are speculations, theories, and what not, but nothing that has ever been proven. Whoever the horny man was, he was an British gent born of wealth sometime between the year 1820-1825. And according to his book he squandered countless funds and years on women and gambling. So entertaining was his life it seemed, that at the age of five and twenty, he began penning his erotic adventures. One by one by one by one by one... More than a hundred to be exact. It was then about 1860 that he had the idea to print it. Yet he was "emotionally" torn. Torn between burning it or printing it. Obviously, because we have the book in our hands today, he much preffered to burn his reputation instead. His take? "It would be a sin to burn all this, whatever society may say. It is but a narrative of human life, perhaps the every day life of thousands..." Which meant he bloody debauched enough women in his life to think THOUSANDS would be able to compare... Yes, he certainly knew how to stroke his ego and his cock, didn't he? So in 1882, he summoned a printer who specialized in erotica to come from Amsterdam into England. Six copies were to be printed, then the original typeset and manuscript destroyed so that no more could be reproduced. Some speculate that the printer himself was naughty and printed himself off an extra copy to keep under his tick. Which may or may not explain its survival... Each of those six copies consisted of a set of 11 volumes. (Yes, he did try to live life for the rest of the population...) Yet only three of those original copies remain today. What is unique about its survival is that given the Victorian times, erotic literature in private collections rarely survived their owners. Why? Because they were deemed by the remaining family as evil and destroyed. What few people seem to know is that the printing of erotic prose did not become illegal during the Victorian times, but rather on January 29, 1527. At precisely two o'clock (I jest about the 2 o'clock bit, LOL. I simply couldn't resist). Edicts were passed and religious censorship swept across Europe and in turn affected the open publication of erotic literature. Rather fascinating to think that hundreds of years later and we still have the mindset of those in 1527. Now for those of you who have made it this far through the post, I promise not to disappoint and will leave you with a condensed listing of what was in these books as well as a snippet. Read on....if you dare.
INDEX: "Copulation: 1.) The two most natural modes are the best. 2.) A woman may be enjoyed by two men at the same time. 3.) The woman should not be quite naked. 4.) The woman has more pleasure than the man... 5.) Pleasures of rape. 6.) Time when a virgin should be enjoyed... Preliminaries described. Various postures enumerated. Monotony condemned. Copulating and Copulative organs: - an essay on, the nature of, described fully, aesthetic aspects of, is not obscene or filthy, is obedience to the Divine commands "Increase and multiply." Eccentric postures: - against field gates (ouch), against railings (to hold on to), against trees (splinters, anyone?), against windows (for the world to see, I suppose), against a bed (finally!), against a kitchen dresser (dinner, anyone?)."
Deep breath out. General idea of index is done with. Now for the last act (no pun intended...).
I give thee a paragraph from My Secret Life: (do not read if you blush easily) "Nature has placed the woman's clitoris so that it cannot escape man's fingers. If a woman closes her thighs tightly, a man cannot from the front get his finger into the cunt hole; and from the back, the arse cheeks close, so that without violence he cannot do it, even when she be standing up, altho as easily then, as from the front...What often astonishes me is my desire to do again every thing sexual and erotic, which I have already done. Yet many things done, I fancied I should never repeat. For instance, that I frigged a man. My curiosity satisfied, I said to myself, "I shall never frig a man again...."
As you can see, this is but a glimpse into HUNDREDS of pages evolving around sex, sex, and more sex. I know for a fact that if anyone ever dares to point out to me that MY writing is naughty, I shall roll my eyes and direct them kindly over to 'My Secret Life'....