Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Offensive sexual positions in history

My dearest Reader,
As if sex didn't make all the prudes in history shake a fist, there was one period in history, when more than one fist was being shaken.  In the year 1215, there was a religious cleric by the name of Johannes Teutonicus who was the first to publicly go on record that there should be only ONE sexual position allowed.  That position is known today as missionary style.  Teutonicus' theory was that the missionary style was not only optimal for conception but that any other position fell into the realm of pure evil.  (I'm so going to hell). 

Since Teutonicus spoke out so anally (get it?!) about the matter, many other religious sects began focusing on what they believed were positions that created waaaaaay too much pleasure for the common good of humanity.  It resulted in the creation and printing of "handbooks" known as SUMMAE CONFESSORUM (sounds like Harry Potter business to me...heh).  Summae confessorums were handbooks that detailed all of the "offensive" positions and issued "penances" for each offensive position you took part in.  The offensive positions listed in these books included "coitus retro" (rear entry, but not anal sex), being seated while having sex, standing while having sex, a woman being on top during sex (hey now...), having any side by side business, and sex during menstruation.  Basically, if it wasn't face to face, with a man on top and penis to vagina, it was in the book under a long list of penances one needed to do if one strayed. 

According to these books, rear door business with a woman was as bad as rear door business with a man.  It might surprise many of you to know that in England buggery wasn't illegal until Henry the VIII made it such in the 1500's.

The following list of penances was taken from Sex, Dissidence and Damnation by Jeffrey Richards and Napoleon's Privates by Tony Perrottet.
Penances included going without food and sex itself to purify the soul.

And I quote:
"Dorsal sex (woman on top): 3 years.
Lateral, seated, standing: 40 days.
Coitus retro: 40 days.
Mutual masturbation: 30 days.
Inter-femural sex (ejaculation between the legs): 40 days.
Coitus in terga (anal sex) with an adult: 3 yrs.
Coitus in terga with a boy: 2 years (*this just doesn't sit right with me.  Less time for a boy?!)
Coitus in terga with a cleric: 10 years.
Semenem in ore (Semen in the mouth): 15 years."

 But here's the real kicker.  As you well know, masturbation was never looked upon graciously.  And guess who got slapped around for doing it the most?  You got it, women.  Men got about 10-30 days while a woman got a whole freakin year of penance. 

These books, however, fell out of practice of being printed and distributed by the 1500's.  With all the positions listed in the books, I have no doubt it was because it served as its own Kama Sutra people gladly took home to look through, lol.  So next time you ever complain that your partner isn't being creative enough, whip out your 'Summae confessorums" and show them they can do it all (for a price.)

Until next time,
Delilah Marvelle



Unknown said...

Omigizers... that's extremely specific! I reckon they were experts at just how bad it is to distribute such precise punishments.

Lisa Hendrix said...

In Laura Kinsale's FOR MY LADY'S HEART, the knight hero tells his lady how the priests' very specific questioning about his sexual "sins" had given him many, many ideas about things he'd like to try. And his lady was game to give every one of them a go. ;)

Sarah Simas said...

Oh boy. Looks like I'm headed for a life sentence, but somehow I don't think I'd want for comapny. LOL

Such a fun post! Thanks for sharing. You are Marvelous Delilah Marvelle! (fun meeting you at the Beau Monde, too!)

Eliza Knight said...

Wow! Just Wow! ... Do you have one of these books? You must bring it with you to RT so we can giggle over it :) Another fascinating article, freaking loved it! And I'm just as appalled as you were... about everything, lol

Delilah Marvelle said...

My dearest Vas,
LOL, yes, your reaction was exactly mine. Heaven forbid how any of these people outed themselves and their "sins" to the local cleric, lol. Thanks for posting!

My dearest Lisa,
That's what I love about Laura's books. She infuses that history into them! Gotta love naughty history when its woven in the right way, lol.

My dearest Sarah,
Oh boy is right, lol. The boys were the ones creating these 'setences' -- what's up with THAT, right? LOL. It was fabulous meeting you too and I hope to see you at next year's Beau Monde!!!

My dearest Eliza,
No, sadly, I don't have a copy of one of these books, lol. I'm guessing they're collector's porn items by now, lol. Thanks for peeking in an posting! XOXO

Izzy said...

If I added all my penances I'd be pretty frustrated for the rest of my life. Oh I missed your blog Delilah!

Carin said...

LOL! I may as well have fun because the penance I would have to do would be more than I have tine left on earth. :)

Rachel Daven Skinner said...

Oh gracious, I'm having too much fun looking back through your posts! I'm going to be looking forward to the 1st of the month from now on! Glad I found your blog. Expect comments moving backwards as I (eventually) catch up. :) ~Rach

Online Viagra Suppliers UK said...

My, never thought sexual positions or other sexual activities were penalised back in the good old days! Good post!